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ENG 101
Assignment #4: Focused Revision
Today I am returning your reflection papers in which you compared your first hunches about what it would
be like to regain one’s vision after a lifetime of blindness with Sacks’ article on the subject. They are very
interesting and lively. Still, there are opportunities for more depth and precision. We have spent time in
class today revising sections of sample papers and we’ve discussed ways to strengthen them. In the paper
I’m returning you’ll find similar suggestions for strengthening your observations by going back into Sacks’
article for more specific details. Strong writing requires strong reading (and rereading) and I’m asking you
to try this for next class.
Take 2 sections or paragraphs in which I gave you feedback and work only with the sections or paragraphs
involved, not the whole paper. On the draft I am returning highlight the paragraphs you’re revising with a
color marker (or underline them). Then, write your revised paragraphs on a separate sheet. I’m asking
you to work out your ideas in more detail and with more precise use of your examples and evidence and to
think about what I had to say. In most cases, this will take many more sentences, not just one. In fact, you
may need to either add parts or delete parts you don’t need. Remember, you do not have to think of the
feedback as instructions for you to follow. You need to make independent choices and decide how to use
the feedback depending on the direction your essay takes you. If you add quotations make sure you use
quotation marks (“ ”), and put the page number in parentheses after the quote.
DUE next class, February 28th: Bring the revised paragraphs you typed on a separate sheet of paper
along with the draft where you highlighted the paragraphs to be revised.
The Focused Revision is the Graded Part of your Essay #1.
The following are the basic requirements you need in your revised paragraphs:
 Include your Assignment #2: Guessing.
 Include all your in-class worksheets.
 Include all drafts of Essay #1 (Assignment #3 parts).

Highlight the paragraphs you revised on the most
recent draft.
Include the Revised paragraphs in a separate sheet of paper.
Participate in drafting and revising in a timely manner. Hand in drafts and final revision on time.
Do not use or consult outside sources. You only need the Oliver Sacks reading and your Assignment
Make substantial conceptual changes (rather than just lexical changes) during the revision
process (we’ll discuss what this means in class, so do not miss class on revision days). This can
include (but it is not limited to) adding details, adding evidence, using different evidence, adding
examples, using different examples, expanding on an idea, introducing a new idea, deleting parts,
changing focus, rethinking a point.
Make specific reference to Oliver Sacks’ text.
Include three (3) quotes from the text. Connect the quotes to your points.
Follow academic standards for formatting: typed, double-spaced and in Times New Roman font size
12. The margins must be 1.25” left and right, 1” top and bottom. DO NOT include a title page.
INCLUDE the following on the left side upper corner (each entry one line): Your Name, Course
Number and Section, Prof. Earley, Assignment, date. STAPLE everything together (or use a clip).
Follow academic standards for documenting and citing your sources. For example, when you begin
talking about an author, introduce the full name and the title of the reading. Thereafter, just include
page number in parenthesis, or last name and page number if you do not include the author’s name in
the signal phrase: (50) or (Sacks 50)
Print and Proofread BEFORE you hand it in. Your revision will not be perfect, but I expect
you to correct what you can in terms of grammar, punctuation, formatting errors, and
avoidable typos. I do not want sloppy work.
Include this sheet with your final draft.

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