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As my professor told me my story was written in a hurry and like you didn’t spend time on it. I would like to modify it and make it better. Please modify the story, to make it better written and more interesting. There is no specific requirement for how you may changed, but still keep in mind make it no short than six page.
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Creative Writing Assignment
Hengyuan Zhou
Siyanda Mohutsiwa
Brayan the homeless
He was already tired of his situation. In life, most of his peers were developing
while he was entirely stuck in the same place for years. Each day, he could wish that
everything would change, anything, even the change of hair style or clothing. Yet, he
is so broken and poor to make and change. John Bryan was an example of an
individuals who had undergone too much in life that they would want death to found
them. If one visited him, the kind of place he stays could bring you a feeling that you
are stay in heaven while he lives in the hell. Brayan is now officially a homeless now.
His everyday routine is begging for money and drinking cheap Vodka.
Every morning, He walk up near his beloved trash can sported at the alley of
Allis, a bar that serve shitty drinks for poor south Chicago working class. He would
grab his rusty keg and a cardboard written “Vietnam War veteran and gay”. Talking
his fake story about how he donates for the country and wish to have a Purple heart
medal but fall in love with comrade and eventually being kick out the army with
nothing. He still makes a lot by selling this story, but the money flow is getting low by
daily. He is now thinking about another story about working hard and abandon by the
company. Hopefully the new story could buy Brayan another year’s alcohol money.
Around eight, Brayan would show up at the Allis and get some straight Vodka. he
would also stay tile the bar close to get whatever in other glass that’s still left. After
the bar close, he would go back to the alley and wait another day to come. Brayan is
pretty much wasted, but he had a bright future once.
About ten years ago, Brayan is a freshman in the university of northwest. He
does well in engineering, his parents and himself all believe that he would an engineer
someday. Life was not easy that time, since his parent don’t have much saving as a
working class to support their only son to college. However, Brayan is still be warmed
and loved. But everything that Brayan believed is crashed after that accident.
Its on Feb. 16th, his parents and him are driving back from Red lobster after
celebrating his 19th birthday. His dad who were driving had some little alcohol, but he
is still pretty sober and capable for drive. Yet on their road back, their car loses
controlled due to the iced road surface. The car hit another car on the other side and
explode. Both his parent died and two other passage in the other car died. Brayan was
“lucky” to get alive with a third degree burn. He loses everything. Parents, healthy
body, good look and money, all gone. He had to sell his parents’ house to settle the
compensation for other family. After the surgery he still own the hospital about 30000
dollars.
After his parents died, the government left him under the hands of his
grandmother, who was as well a middle-level citizen living in Chicago. Although the
grandmother could not provide for all his needs, but she still brings support to his
grandchild with love and food. Grandma used his lifesaving for Brayan’s college
tuition. She told Brayan that god will not give up on him and she asked Brayan to
stand up and continue his education. Grandma don’t have a high level of education,
but she knows his grandson was a smart man that can change his life by education.
Brayan was not moved by his grandmother’s love, but he try not to let her do since
she is the only family he has, and he fell he is responsible for whatever love she bring
to him.
Brayan’s alcohol gene was being activate, he would have almost a bottle of
Vodka a day. But when he was sobered. he was still work on his assignments from
class and stay with his grandmother.
Even Brayan was not good at that point, he still not reaches the level where he
was now. Things getting even worth two month later. Brayan’s grandmother was
diagnosis stage 4 breast cancer. The cancer cell is diffusion and there is not much
more that hospital can do. The illness of his grandmother affected most thing since
this was the breadwinner of the family now. It was difficult to cope up with the
situation. Brayan had to drop off the college to take care his grandmother. Every
day the chemotherapy has swallowed this family as well as it does to his grandma.
Brayan eventually knows what others say about cancer that take people piece by
piece. Every day, Brayan saw grandma getting weak and weak, he fell a piece of
himself was being taken away from the disease as well. Grandma’s saving is
running shorts after three month’s therapy. To keep up with the needs, Brayan had to
ask his neighbor for some work. Out of sympathy, his neighbor offered him the
opportunity. His work was to deal with the house chores. Very early in the morning,
he was supposed to wake up, wash the utensils, clean the whole house, ensure that the
car was clean. Through this kind of work, he could get at least some few dollars,
which would help to sustain him and the ailing grandmother.
After a while, the condition of the grandmother deteriorated so severely that
doctors had every reason to warn him about possible death. That night, Bryans went
home a sad person, having seen how the grandmother was in pain. She had reached a
level that she could berry talk. Her voice is so weak that he can’t even understand
what exactly she is trying to say. But from the look in her eyes, Bryans could
understand the pain she went through. Brayan think he can’t see her vans and even
bones through his paled face. He run home with the hope that by the next day, he
would come back and find things better off. He tries his best to not thinking about her
and everything that he endured in this half years. He feels like he is abandoned by the
god. Sadly enough, this was not the situation. Things worsened. He got to the hospital
the next morning carrying some food prepared for her beloved grandmother.
However, before getting into the hospital room where the grandmother had been,
one of the nurses spotted him and had to call him into an office. This is the point
where Bryans saw as the world had come to an instant end. The nurse discloses the
news about his grandmother’s death. They said they had tried everything, not leaving
anything to chance, but still, she could not make it.
Bryans went home with an empty mind. He was so broken that every single
person he cares left him over, in this cruel world. He doesn’t even have the money to
retrieve her loved grandmother’s body.
A burial funeral was organized by the church and the neighboring community. At
the funeral, the neighbor who had given a work promised Brayan to sustain his life.
Yet, Brayan didn’t even want to say a world. Brayan walked home with every coin
spend on alcohol.
The house Brayan and grandma used to live in had been taken by the bank for a
mortgage they failed to pay.
Brayan officially become a homeless. He asked his employee if he could stay at their
place for days. Sadly, the house owner said no, but he instead introduces Brayan to a
builder who offered him a six-month Job for moving gravel. It’s really a low pay
work, he gains as much as his illegal immigrate co-workers. Still he took the job
without a second thought, hoping that after a while, he would be able to get a better
job.
Like we all know, Brayan’s god never treat him well. he never got another job,
and as days went by, the owner of the house could not tolerate him without paying
rent. He was thrown out. Brayan has back to streets again.
Although God didn’t favor Brayan, but he still gets one chance to live another
life. It’s on the third years of his street life. He has gradually leaned how to be a
professional slum member. He knows everything about where to get a food tickets,
where to find edible left food from the restaurant. He even got his own begging spot
at the Michigan avenue. That day he gets to his usual begging area and get the
cardboard ready. but studently it’s a heavy rain coming. Brayan quickly grab his
blanket and running to the hallway of a hotel nearby. He stays at the very corner of the
hallway, because he knows it he stays anywhere near the gate that the hotel security
would beat him and throw him out the roof.
The rain keeps coming and banyan shortly get tired. He eyes wet tremble and
eventually he falls asleep.
The cold wind walks him up, its seen to be the midnight. there are not much
people on the street, and hotel security had gone inside the hall. There is no one near
the hotel hallway. Brayan had seen something behind decoration tree near the
turnstile. It seems to be a suitcase. By observing it, the suitcase looked quite
expensive. Brayan quickly check the surrounding and use his blanket to cover the
suitcase. He slowly pulls the suitcase out the bush and hold it with the blanket in front
of his chest. He run out the hallway as fast as possible. He knows the least thing he
want is to be caught stealing a suitcase from the hotel by the hotel security.
Near the trash can, he finally stops running. With the hope of finding treasure, he
opened the suitcase. With the weal street light, he saw eight pack of money. All with
Benjamin Franklin’s head on. This is the money that he desired on the last three years,
the one he never seen ever since he gets on streets. He briefly counts the money, it’s
about $150000. His hand is shaking, his heartbeats up. He quickly digs out a black
trash bag from the trash can and empty the wine bottles in it. Then, he took out the
money immediately and put them in the bag. He decides to throw away the suitcase,
because a homeless with a luxury suitcase was very suspicious to the cops. Before he
throws the suitcase, he rechecks the case again to see if there is anything left. By
feeling it, he feels a little zipper on the side. Brayan opened the side pocket, it’s a
black and sliver business card holder. He opens it and there are several business cards
in it. The card is even gold plated, at least from Brayan’s meagered knowledge. The
info on the card is Carl Galiger and a number 319-864-6667.
This name extinguished every excitement that Brayan has. He recognized this
name, Carl Galiger is a gangster by the street name “C dog”.
No one would mess-up
with him because he feeds his crocodiles with those people. Brayan knows he can’t
have this money anymore. Yet, he still has options.
Option one: bring the money back to C dog.
Option two: bring the money to the police.
However, either this two wouldn’t bring any good outcome to Brayan. First
option, C dog is never an easy person. Since Brayan took his money, there will be
punishment. it is possible that C dog lost the suitcase unintentionally, then may bring
some benefits for Brayan. But if its left there on purpose, Brayan may mess up C
dog’s business which would turn to a very serious problem. He would probably end
up in the crocodile pool.
On the other side, he could turn the case to the police, which may cause some
problem to C dog and keep him in jail for a while. But Brayan know that there is no
way that police can use this suitcase as an evidence and get him in witness protection
programs. And soon or later, what he did will be known by others and he will be shoot
by someone for cause C dog losing money and getting to trouble.
Brayan was desperate, he sits on his dirty blanket and hold the black trash bag with
150K. It was supposed to be the best day in three years for him. Now it’s like his
doom day. That suitcase is never a treasure but a trouble.
Brayan stay awake all night. He had to make a choice between this two, either to
take a chance on C dog or to go to police begging for a witness protection program.
The second day, Brayan walked to the street corner and ask the drug dealer to see C
dog.
No one ever seen Brayan again until three month later. A new homeless named
John Brayan show up in the south side of Chicago with a cripple leg.

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